Better Sell Good Ear Protection With ‘Em!

Sure, you can sell handguns as “emergency vehicle window opening devices.” Just check this.

Near Roseville, Calif., a 28-year-old armed casino security guard was driving to work in his SUV when suddenly his new hands-free cell phone device started screeching at him. This startled the driver so badly he lost control of the vehicle, crashed through a guardrail and plunged into rain-swollen Pleasant Grove Creek.

The grove might have been pleasant, but the creek was not, and it only took a few seconds for the driver to learn two immutable facts. First, if he didn’t get outta that tub fast, he was gonna die. Second, the water pressure prevented him from opening a door or breaking out a window with anything he had at hand. Then, the little light came on over his noggin and he reached for his trusty Roscoe …

BOOM! BOOM! Yup, it worked just fine. He blew out the window. Shivery and drippin’, he dragged himself up the embankment and flagged down a passing motorist. After treatment for minor injuries, he was reported to be “doing well.”

But I’ve had to fire shots inside a vehicle — even with two windows open — and I’ve gotta wonder if his answer to all initial questioning, like “What happened to you?” was “Huh?”