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From the Jan/Feb 2008 Issue
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I’m Not Runnin’
So Forget About It, Okay? |
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| If His Editorial Immenseness Roy-Boy prints one or more of the letters — I asked him semi-nicely not to, so I’m sure he will — you’ll see why I’m upset. It’s happening again: A buncha you guys want me to run for president. Here’s the news flash: I ain’t runnin’, and you can’t make me! Let’s nip this right in the bud. You might think I’m takin’ this too seriously much too soon, but consider this: Even if only 19 people wanta draft me for the presidency right now, at the rate the major candidates are shootin’ themselves in the feet, trippin’ over their lips and stabbing each other in the back, I could be the Last Man Standing! If I don’t kill this grass-roots movement quick, I could wind up in the White House. With all due respect for the office, bein’ the Chief Executive comes with too many restrictions for me... First, there are these insurmountable problems with the Secret Service protection detail. I’ve worked with those folks and admire them, but I have the clear impression that POTUS* ain’t s’posed to PACK! — and that won’t work for me. In fact, I’d be shoppin’ for a third daily-carry Roscoe instead of givin’ up two. And what if, as Little Lizzie would say, “the bad mens come” and the stuff hits the fan? The Pres is supposed to pucker up and hunker down, while highly-motivated dudes in dark glasses with dreams of “takin’ a bullet for the boss” fling themselves over his body and jump in front of him. Not for me, folks. Yeah, I could just see bein’ pinned down in a gunfight with some altruistic agent in my line of fire, tryin’ to pull a machine pistol outta his underwear with one hand and pushing my head down with the other. “Hey!” I’d ask, “How many times have you shot for your life?” Most likely, the answer would be, “Umm... None, sir.” My response would have to be, “Well, I’ve done it plenty and I’m pretty good at it, so move over, willya?” There's more from John Connor in the Jan/Feb issue... • The “First Memsaab”? Order your copy of the Jan/Feb issue
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| This column is sponsored by: | ||||||
 www.armalite.com |
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